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The stories I want to share are probably not interesting for anybody. But I write these things up, just cause I want to share.

"Shut up Blackie". It's not what you think.
A few things under the "Germany" group.

This is funny to me how this went. I've told this story, and re-told probably, a few times.

And recently thinking about things, I'm wondering something else about this.

So in the strange, very empty, boring, nothing family life we had, there was one day of our regular routines. And when I went and sat in Dad's chair and chatted with Mom about family general things (and occasionally me things), as I did regularly.

I don't think there was anything else to precipitate the conversation, so she just brought it up. Something about finding my own place, instead of renting my room there, as the space was needed. I had not really thought much about moving out in the near future at that time, and was still considering going back to college and getting a degree. But I had a good paying job, and was in the working world and not moving forward with school, so it made sense.

Anyway, my response was something like "Okay". And I went on with looking in the newspaper or whatever. I just thought about sometime soon thinking about that and making a plan. In the coming days or so.

Mom was pretty interested in that happening, and before I knew it she was calling for place for me. I think she read the ad to me, but whatever I wasn't really into it, and just went along with the idea. It was for a two bedroom house near "Coddingtown" in Santa Rosa. The owner had a very clear system for finding renters. Everyone who called on the ad got the same response. - The address and the day and time to come and look at it.

When we got there (yes, still just letting Mom arrange things, just going along), we were all told - here is the application, fill it in, leave it here, and look around. He will decide later who gets it.

It was so uninteresting, but acceptable, so I was okay with it. But it was the first and only place, and so I was just kind of planning on this was the first of many to look at before I finally get one.

One lady was pestering the owner the whole time that she wanted to pay and get the place immediately. He kept saying his rules. My Mom said something to me that maybe I should talk to the owner cause of that lady might get it. I told her, and I think maybe within ear shot of the owner, I turned in my application so it was done and fine. I was ready to leave. And maybe I said something about that was just the first place we looked at.

Well in the end it was pretty obvious, at least to me, the owner would never rent to that lady. If she was pestering him like that right away, what would it have been like if he rented to her? Regular pestering about things needing to be fixed etc. And I had a much bigger income, nice job (Service Manager at the ComputerLand in town). And so would have beaten her always.

The owner called pretty soon after and I got the house.

The whole time having Mom run the show was not a problem. I was kinda feeling weird as a sort of Momma's boy, but there was nothing wrong with it, and it was just easy for me to go along. Normally I would have liked planning and doing everything myself, but I might have spread it out over a period of time. Mom probably realized that and so she took the "bull by the horns".

After having told this story again, I thought about and wonder now about the renting my room situation before that.

I don't remember when Mom asked me to start paying "room and board". But since I had a good job, it made sense, and I wanted to help the family budget further than being financially independent other than the up until then free room and board. I might have said something about my brother not paying anything, since he was 2 years older, but it was pretty obvious he was not getting a job anytime soon. And I was used to that situation.

Kinda wish I paid in cash in front of Randy's nose now. But that might have gone wrong cause Randy might have just felt empowered to demand more money from Mom.

I don't remember how long before Mom got me to move out, but I do remember it was $300 per month. Which then would have been a standard low cost room rental price, and this was room and board, so it was a very nice price. And I earned well.

Now, after having told the moving out story again, I'm wondering if the room and board was more about getting me to pay, and sooner or later I would decide since I was paying money, why not get my own place.

I was never really close to that, I was still directionless in life, and was happy with my job and living "at home". And it was still only a few years after getting back from Germany.

Maybe someday I'll figure out the dates and timeline on these.

I really was not the kind of person who would normally go somewhere as an Exchange Student, but it fit in my broken life as a sort of escape attempt. And it was very beneficial to me in many ways. For the people around me, nothing of a normal situation or anything beneficial. Not horrible, but just no normal social interaction, bonding, etc.

I'll probably think of a couple of stories I might want to write up. There are quite a few, but not so interesting.

There is one I want to get to someday. The day in East Berlin (before the wall fell). The German YFU program was a bit focused on the split and hope over reunification. Basically they helped the YFU program goals, but also fit their political agenda in it.

This is a few stories together in a situation.

The point that I realized recently, is this is a good example of how I need to be alone in contrast to normal people want to be around and live with others (meaning outside of immediate family). Even though I didn't realize it at the time.

A friend I had known for a while got me to babysit. And he had more in mind. It was so long ago I've forgotten the order of events exactly, but the point is the same.

At some point I was told about and then or later shown how he had built stairs to the attic and completed a room for me. It was well done and nice, and not a problem. The stairs looked like they were originally built in the house like the rest.

The kids were not a problem at all, babysitting went well enough.

But the place I had from someone to stay at, at that time, had one advantage they didn't have. I was alone. Nobody bothered me or wanted to even have anything to do with me. The disadvantages were tremendous - no water, toilet, shower, kitchen, and power was even a sometimes thing. Just a bed, table and bench to sit on. And being alone.

If I had not had a place to be alone I would have jumped on the chance to be a live-in guest/babysitter. It was a perfect situation if I don't have a place to be alone. The point is though that my life should not have been ruined and I have a need to be alone. Of course if my life wasn't ruined I would have never come to this situation or probably anything close.

With one or two exceptions, babysitting for me was always just a prison guard function. No escapes, no injuries is a job well done. I had never considered entertaining the kids, and since my life was so terrible as a child, I was never entertained and so had no experience on the receiving end. Maybe I could focus on that, but luckily I'll never be called into service again.

But babysitting for these kids shows how I don't function well beyond keeping the prisoners from escaping, and fed. (And whatever necessary.)

I think it was just two times babysitting, but maybe more. One stupid thing I did I just think is funny. And is an example of how I would need some training (lacking having raised a child) if I wanted to be a good babysitter. The boy was 5 I think, and his sister 9, or maybe was 8. The boy only knew dialect, and I didn't speak any but understand some.

It didn't take long after the parents were gone that I got a question from the boy. Just being a guard and not having a reason to interact with the prisoners, questions are just not expected. But of course come. I can't remember if he said it in dialect and I understood him, but I think he said it in Dutch and was proud of himself for that. I should have noticed that and commended on that, but I just exist and these things I have no experience with. But I understood the question and gave an immediate answer without thinking first.

I just wanted to be the nice guy and put and end to the question.

"Can I have a cookie?"

My smart ass answer in my bad attempts at Dutch was "You can eat so many as you want, but I don't know where they are". Every parent and experienced babysitter knows the kids know where everything good is, and then some. I would have had to think this through to have realized that.

Anyway, his sister gave him the correct answer, problem solved. Still I wish I could have been prepared enough (experience being a normal child with normal experiences) to have responded properly. And given each of them one, just for being nice kids. But I would have had no idea of that would have been a problem for the parents or not. (The father not, the mother, not sure.) And I probably wouldn't have cared. Especially if they were good cookies, it would have been pig out time for us. But sister ended it properly, and I never saw the cookies. And didn't even have to address that topic further.

So this is one of my problems I have to learn to deal with. Just ignoring problem situations that will go away.

I was given specific instructions, the number was by the phone. The kids were already in bed this time. But, I was told, the boy will wake up crying. I was to call the place they were at, have her paged and put the boy on the phone with her. It was their "routine" apparently.

I didn't want to deal with calling and didn't want to fumble through how to ask to have someone paged.

And I wanted to be the "super" babysitter that resolves it so they could just continue having a good time uninterrupted.

Eventually, kid cries. I go upstairs. Try to talk him into going back to sleep, but no idea if he could understand me. His sister was yelling "sjei oet" (no idea how you spell it) - dialect for "knock it off".

Remember - my point is they don't escape and are unharmed.

My solution in Dutch - "do you want to watch TV?" That he understood immediately, and as parents can imagine, the screaming-crying was immediately gone. And a smile on his face.

So I was waiting for him to get tired. How long can this take? 10 minutes maybe? I just want to catch the moment before he falls asleep I can get him to go upstairs so I wouldn't have to carry/drag him up.

He was so wide awake it was like he was pumped full of caffeine. I think most parents can see that easily.

Well, before I got him back upstairs, parents home. Mom was not happy. LOL. Sorry but hire a professional or best yet - stay home with your kids.

I got to hear later from her how he was very tired the next day and it was hard to get him to school.

Whatever. It was just one time. We all survived. That's the point, right?

Sometimes ignoring things and letting them go away works out well enough. Maybe not the best solution, but works for me.

This boy was an example of this one time when I was visiting. He was crying for his dad, and I went to see or maybe was just randomly walking by at the time. (I think I might have just gotten there and they left the front door open for me. Anyway...)

As I walked by the half-bath with door open, he was in position. His dad responded "Jeff can wipe your butt.". The scream he let out, was beautiful, I still think it's funny. Like I was going to murder him or something. And was obviously for me a perfect excuse to keep walking, and let the kid "suffer" until his dad came.

Of course I know now that even with a cold mechanical butt wiping from me through his screams would have been a good response from me. I just wish I had experience receiving and thus could have given him a warm calming response. I guess that would be along the lines of "I need practice wiping butts and I'm a good butt wiper" or something. Or some kind of diffusing joke. If he would have understood it though is the question, and that would have been the big barrier.

Anyway, one ironic point on this, is that by this point in my life I finally knew the one thing I didn't know about wiping a kids butt that I didn't know the one time I had to do so. Supporting the kid with a hand on the chest. (The one butt I wiped I just told him to bend over, and it worked out alright. Sometime later I saw someone doing a butt wiping with proper support.)

I have read about so many things, and seen some videos (which unfortunately I cannot forget) about babysitters abusing their charges. I consider this technically abuse via a third party, but unfortunately I did this.

What actually was worse now that I think about it, is not only did I not engage socially with the child, no consideration of making it a fun experience for him, I didn't even watch over him. I let him go play in his bedroom, or living room, or whatever, I didn't care, and I went into the family room and watched TV. 

After all, I'm just there to make sure the kid doesn't escape right?

Well of course now I realize that there are so many things that can go wrong, I should have at least kept him in view.

Nothing wrong with the kid, cute, sweet, fun, etc., but I just had no interest in playing or social interaction. And really didn't know how. 

So mom gets home. She checks the TV to see if it was warm. (Vacuum tube TV, so would be really warm.) It was. I shut it off just as she came home.

Faster than I could realize that there was a rule against watching TV, she already hustled him off and arranged punishment. It happened so fast, I never figured a way to politely tell mom she was an idiot for jumping to conclusions. I don't remember the resolution of it, but in the end of course the mother would realize what really happened.

The kid didn't even come in the room, I watched TV alone. But he gets punished for it. He might have even taken the blame just to cover for me.

So - parents don't let others babysit. When you do, top professional, fully trusted. And pay dearly. Your child's well being is more important than "not paying too much". Or cameras. Something.

And make a written list of the rules. If I had seen a list, or was clearly told, I would have not watched TV. There was even no mention of this rule.

I was reminded of this a few years ago when another parent "on the other side of the world" told a story with using the check if the TV is warm trick.